There always seems to be something to worry about when it comes to feeding children.
I’m a parent who struggles with these everyday questions too.
I studied nutrition at university, but every day, I’m reminded that feeding children doesn’t always go according to the textbook.
Still, whenever I find myself worrying about my children’s meals, I try to remind myself of one thing:
Above all, I want mealtimes to be a time when my children can feel safe, relaxed, and enjoy eating.
Here, I’d like to share what I try to keep in mind at our family table, even as I continue to figure things out along the way.
It’s Natural to Worry About Your Child’s Eating
I think many parents have experienced worries and concerns about their children’s eating.
I’m no different. I also spend my days trying to figure things out while worrying about my children’s eating.
Even when I hope my children will eat a reasonable amount without being too picky, their appetite doesn’t always increase, and they can be quite selective about what they eat.
I want them to have good table manners, but they often lean forward over their food without holding their bowls.
Even when I remind them, it doesn’t seem to change very easily.
I want my children to grow up healthy and full of energy.
I want them to learn proper table manners so they won’t feel embarrassed when they grow up.
Sometimes, these hopes build up inside me, and I find myself thinking, “Why won’t they eat?” or “If they keep eating like this, will they have trouble when they’re older?”
But perhaps this is simply because I’m genuinely engaged with my children’s eating every day.
We worry because our children matter so much to us.
It was actually only recently that I came to see things this way.
When I was going through a difficult time at work, I happened to say something during a conversation with a coworker:
“Maybe the reason this is so difficult and painful is because we’re taking it so seriously.”
That was when I realized that the same could be true of the worries I have about my children’s eating.
That’s right. I worry because I care so deeply about my children.
Because they are so important to me, I can’t help but notice things about their eating.
Worrying about your child’s eating is a natural part of being a parent.
But even when you understand that, it doesn’t mean the worries simply disappear.
And Yet… the Worries Don’t Go Away
- My children are selective about food.
- They won’t stay seated at the table.
- I worry about their table manners.
- I’m concerned about whether they’re getting a balanced diet.
There are so many things to think about when it comes to our children’s eating, aren’t there?
I make our everyday meals while carrying many of the same worries myself.
“I wish my children would eat a wider variety of foods.”
“I wish we could spend mealtimes peacefully, without having to constantly remind them of something.”
nts feel the same way.
Ideally, our children would eat a balanced variety of foods, stay seated until they finish, and have good table manners.
Wouldn’t it be wonderful if every meal could be like that?
But in reality, I think things often don’t go quite that way—including in our home.
Even though the worries never seem to end, there is one thing I want to keep in mind at our family table.
And that is…
What Matters Most to Me at the Family Table
It’s not about eliminating picky eating altogether or expecting perfect table manners at every meal.
What matters most to me is creating an environment where my children feel comfortable and can enjoy eating.
- Being able to say, “This is delicious,” to each other
- Being able to talk about what happened during the day
Being able to say “Itadakimasu” before eating and “Gochisosama” after the meal—Japanese expressions of gratitude before and after eating—in a relaxed, positive mood
- Creating mealtimes when my children can think, “Eating together is fun.”
I believe that these everyday moments at the family table will become the foundation for my children’s eating habits in the years to come.
At least, that’s how I see it.
Even for adults, a tense atmosphere at the table isn’t enjoyable. When we’re feeling tense, it can be hard to even appreciate the taste of our food.
That’s why, above all, I want my children to be able to relax and enjoy their meals in a positive, comfortable atmosphere.
That is what matters most to me at our family table.
How I Think About the Days When Things Don’t Go as Planned
That said, mealtimes don’t always go the way I hope.
- I find myself reminding my children about how they hold their chopsticks or how they eat.
- Suddenly, the children start singing together.
- They get so caught up in talking that they barely eat.
“Please sit properly while you eat!”
“Now is not the time for singing!”
“Make sure you eat some vegetables, too.”
There are days when I find myself saying things like this throughout the meal.
But when I take a step back and look at the scene, I see my children laughing, eagerly trying to tell each other about what happened that day, and sitting there with relaxed, comfortable faces.
Maybe those moments are actually precious in their own way.
And maybe, sometimes, that alone is enough.
Taking a Long-Term View of My Children’s Eating
A child’s eating habits aren’t shaped by a single meal. They are built little by little, as their bodies and minds grow.
The vegetables they didn’t eat today might be the ones they take a bite of tomorrow.
Their awkward way of holding chopsticks will gradually become more natural.
And as they get a little older, they will probably be able to sit down and eat more calmly.
When it comes to nutrition, too, I don’t think we need to aim for perfection at every meal.
I try to lower the bar and tell myself,
“If they managed to eat even one bite, that’s good enough.”
Don’t rush. Don’t judge things based on a single meal. Take the long view.
That’s what I remind myself again and again.
(Although, sometimes I almost forget…)
And someday, when my children reach their teenage years and start pushing back against me,
I’m sure I’ll look back fondly on these days when they talked so much at the table that their meals barely seemed to move forward.
Creating a Warm and Welcoming Family Table
What I want to value most when it comes to my children’s eating is simple:
I want mealtimes to be a safe and enjoyable time for them.
If you’re feeling a little tired right now from thinking,
“I have to make sure my child eats properly.”
“I need to correct their table manners right away.”
Try just one thing today.
“Isn’t it nice to eat together?”
“Mealtimes are fun, aren’t they?”
Why not say these words out loud?
I believe that these warm moments around the family table can become the foundation for our children to develop a lifelong enjoyment of food.
And someday, when they are all grown up, I hope they will remember the table where there was so much laughter.
With that hope in my heart, I continue to gather around the table with my family each day, trying to create warm and welcoming mealtimes—holding back the little reminders when I can, and gently speaking up when I need to.
